Struggling to walk

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  • #47526
    Lorna5
    Participant

    Hi All
    Need to vent I’m really struggling at the moment I try to walk but end up shuffling along in loads of pain and just feel like crying, I go out to help my mental health but come back in loads of pain take pain meds and collapse onto the recliner then doing nothing.
    My husband thinks I need more exercise to strengthen my muscles and has made comments such as if I had your body I’d soon sort it out, you should join a gym, take more pain meds (im taking what i was prescribed) etc im sure he thinks im doing it all on purpose, he didn’t want me to use a stick but has accepted that but barring a miracle I can only see things getting worse and no one seems to understand this. I am trying but the pain is relentless

    #47527
    Eddie
    Participant

    Hi Lorna5. Thank you for sharing with us. I can certainly empathise with you After two unsuccessful back ops and an unsuccessful knee replacement, I suffer chronic and (always) acute pain. I’m also losing the power in my legs which causes me anxiety and fear. I’m done in by the end of the day. I use meds and attend hydrotherapy once a week. I used to be a very strong swimmer and do still attend the swimming pool but my swimming is restricted ie. Cant do anywhere near as much as I used to be able to do. I started using a stick about 8 months ago and I see me having to use another stick shortly. I take things very much one day at a time and some times I have to take things an hour at a time. Hang in there. You are no longer alone!! I wish you well……

    #47531
    Lc
    Participant

    Hi Lorna5, No offence to your husband but people living in chronic pain have not a clue what it is like, and you should use whatever aids you need to keep mobile. yes exercise does help somewhat, but need not to raise pain levels more than your already in , maybe try and ring local physio and get to see them about using the gym under supervision, but the main thing here is you need to see someone about getting your pain under more control and make you a bit more comfortable so that you can do a bit of exercise. Hope this helps get priorities in order. hope your pain settles to a more tolerable level soon, and let us know how you get on. take care and best wishes, Lee

    #47534
    Lc
    Participant

    sorry it should have read, people not living in chronic pain have not got a clue. LOL
    the drugs dont work. take care ,Lee

    #47539
    Laura
    Participant

    Sorry you are having a hard time, Lorna5, life isn’t much fun with so much pain.

    I have had about 4 physio sessions very recently. The physio didn’t know about my situation really, said I should have gone straight after surgery (I did and they wanted me to do the exact things my surgeon said I shouldn’t do!) amongst other things. Then he admitted nothing was making any difference to my leg strength etc and took me to the hospital gym. 2 minutes on one machine and I was up all night with much worse pain. I’m not going back either.
    I use a stick, it gives me strength to walk, makes me feel less unsteady, I don’t care what it looks like, I wouldn’t choose to have a stick if I didn’t need it.

    Hope things improve for you. x

    #47541
    Lc
    Participant

    Hi Lorna5, if you have certain nerves that are damaged to your leg/s like I have, then exercise no matter how much you do, is not going to build up muscle mass, but exercise is important so you can have enough muscle to still walk,despite this, even if you have to use aids. this is what I was told, and over the years have tried to build muscle on my legs again and it has not happened, but as long as you can still stand and walk for a while then it’s better than being permanently in a wheelchair. but use the aids to keep you mobile whether crutches or wheelchair and stand and walk when you can to keep things moving.
    sorry I don’t understand people like my mother in law is one of them, that say things like I’m not using a stick makes me feel old and people stare ect. I just say well if you fall over in the street because your unsteady, don’t expect me to pick you up, because I can’t do that. and she hangs on to my wife and pulls her down sometimes, If you cannot help yourself in some way dont expect others to help as there is no need for it, there are aids out there to help you be more independent use them if thats what you need, I do understand that way of thinking though as I was one of them, not admitting that if you need help ask. why struggle when you can use something to help you. regardless of what others think and say. take care and best wishes ,Lee

    #47545
    Helen H
    Participant

    Hi Laura

    In my experience I is impossible to understand what life with chronicpain is like. Before I had it I just assumed that if you had bad pain, then you could just take killers. As we know, and as Lee says the drugs don’t work.

    I am not that surprised that the physio didn’t understand your situation. They seem to work on he assumption that exercise will cure everything. When I told mine that the exercises she had given me had increased my pain she seemed baffled.

    Re mobility: I find a rollator with a seat is better and more stable than a stick, and you always have somewhere to sit and rest. It is not easy to admit you need any mobility aid, but if it helps you to be more confident when you are being active, then that is surely a good thing.

    Take care
    Helen

    #47547
    lianne188
    Participant

    Hi Lorna,

    I totally feel your pain. No one understands chronic pain unless your dealing with it yourself. I have very little understanding from my family. My mum will swoop in and take the kids because she loves having them, and I am grateful for that but she will never talk with me about the pain and just says it can’t be that bad. And just leaves me alone bed bound. My ex would tell me I was a lazy a** which really upset me (hence he is now an ex), my sister and my mum comes around and just says my house is dirty and makes me feel ashamed that I can’t clean enough, I try to explain but they don’t get it. To the point where I have now spent a lot of money on robot vacuum, dishwasher, Alexa enabled lights and plugs and other aids just to keep on top of it. But technology can’t do everything haha.

    Doctors don’t know really what’s wrong, they think it is nerve damage in my spine and it can take such an innocuous incident to start off an episode, nerves will tingle then back locks up to try and protect the nerves and it takes days for it to unlock again followed by more days of hip pain after the back has unlocked. Doctors also have little sympathy they just feed you drugs and tell you to get up and walk about when you are in the pain, they don’t understand that isn’t physically possible. I had an incident with an ambulance crew having to come out as I couldn’t move from neck down and I was so scared and when they came out they just laughed at me, they put me on gas and air to get me moving and my ex was videoing the whole thing And taking pictures of me in my night clothes and they were all laughing at me, I was so sad about that, I still am because that isn’t right is it?

    I have been given diazepam, morphine, codeine over the years, I was on tramadol for 2 years until I started abusing it and only I recognised that I was abusing and managed to take myself off it which was one of the hardest things I have even done. ( I was taking 15-20 tramadols a day at my height of addiction just in desperation to avoid the pain whilst juggling 2 young kids and university degree and job). I am on my own with two young children and I constantly think about how unfair it is on them especially my eldest who is 11, he is amazing with me, he is almost a young carer when I have pain he will put his brother to bed (who is 7), get me things I need from around the house and generally be amazing with no complaints, and I thank the lord everyday for him. He misses home and me when he is at his nans every other weekend because I have had an episode It isn’t fair on him neither. I don’t think there is much luck of me finding anyone else partner wise that would be up for caring for me for the rest of their life, tbh, I don’t want anyone as I have been too scarred by how I have been treated in my previous relationship.

    I have tried steroid injections (they are hit and miss, first one worked, last two have not) physio has been offered to me however it is all the way over the other side of the city either early morning or close to end of school day and I cannot get anybody to help pick kids for that. So I gave up on that.

    Last night in absolute desperation I googled alternative pain relief and I have now purchased some well reviewed and expensive CBD oil and I cannot wait for it to come in hope it will give me some final relief I deserve.

    The mental impact chronic pain has is just as bad. It’s a vicious cycle because it flairs up the pain due to the stress, so thus taking longer to heal. I am just recovering from an episode and I was bed bound for 4 days, kids were with my mum and I saw not a single soul nor was I asked if I was ok. I lived off takeaway for those four days, struggling up and down the stairs screaming in pain just so I can get to the door for my food. I couldn’t walk and there have been really bad times where I have not even made it to the bathroom because I am paralysed from the pain. No one takes it seriously and you feel so very alone. I honestly thought this time around I would be better off dead. My Kids keep me going though.

    Just to make it clear I don’t have serious thoughts about ending my life. It just goes through your head because of pain. That’s what pain does to you. You just want it to end and in that moment you think it’s never going to end. It’s just a complicated circle because I want my kids with me to make me feel better mentally as they are my babies and part of me whilst they are young like this, but I also can’t physically look after them when I’m having an episode. I’m so so sorry Lorna and I feel your anguish, we all do. I don’t know how we can get the help we deserve. Especially if we have no idea what would truly help us. I can keep you updated on my CBD experience if you like. I’m hoping it will help. I’m trying to stay positive.

    I am sorry if this all looks disjointed, I am literally just writing down things as they come to me.

    #47554
    Lc
    Participant

    Hi Lianne188, we all fully understand what you have said as most of us go through this , and it puts a strain on relationships to a breaking point, also mental health issues to, sorry about your relationship , but that just shows what pain can do to test you both, and some unfortunately their relationship cannot be that strong to be able to walk and leave kids behind. I am very lucky to have someone that sticks by me all that I have been through.It Is sad but would rather be sort of happy and alone than have someone abusing me because I’m in Pain all the time . You Have this site where people truly understand what your talking about with empathy and we all have rough times with flare ups that make you worse than you already are. we are all pain warriors and survivors on this site. take care and best wishes, Lee

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