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  • #46921

    Damonke
    Participant

    Hi I am new here. I have chronic pain in my side. I am off work at mo. So worried I will lose my job over this. Can any one help me please

    #46923

    Helen H
    Participant

    Welcome Damonke

    It is so stressful to be dealing with a) pain and b)the financial/job implications. It is really important to give your mental health as much support as you can during this time. Simple things: keeping to a daily routine of some kind, meditation/mindfulness, keeping hydrated and eating healthily will all support you….and be really kind to yourself, you are doing your best in really difficult circumstances.

    This is not only a kind and supportive community ( most of us have lived with pain every day and have done so for years) but there are good resources on the site too ( different ways of coping with pain as well as the emotional side. Feeling overwhelmed is quite natural, but the days are easier to cope with when you take one step at a time, one moment at a time. On a bad day I set an alarm every hour and just plan one hour at a time. Make a plan of action re work and medical health and slowly work through it.

    Have you had a diagnosis for what is causing the pain or are you in the middle of that process?
    Take care
    Helen

    #46924

    lc
    Participant

    Hi Damonke, Welcome to this site, there is a lot of info here, if you click on the links in blue at top of page ie resources then click on relatoinships as chronic pain over time will effect this area as with other areas within yourself like depression. also the link pain relief there are some alternative methods which you can try as sometimes a mixture of medication and alternative methods can help you cope better, but we are a friendly lot on here, and a wealth of info that each of us have experienced and tried or if you have a diagnosis you can type it into the search forum box top right and click search it will come up with all posts relating to it and helping each other by talking about it as this helps you feel that your not the only one that is suffering and you dont have to be alone iether. also meditation/mindfulness as HelenH has mentioned and it does work with perseverance as since Helen has done this with a bit of my help, I have noticed a great change in her writting and answering people.also her day to day perception. As Helen says it Helps you and us to help you and try and guide you if you have a diagnosis of your pain. any problems we are all here to help you in some way with empathy.For now, Take care and best wishes. Lee

    #46927

    Damonke
    Participant

    Hi all about 3 an half years ago I had an Endocrine tumour removed , my bowel sores out and gallbladder out too. It’s been so hard. When in hospital and had my OP, I had my lung nicked and lung deflated
    I get pain under left ribs and I have trouble eating as well.

    #46929

    lc
    Participant

    Hi Damonke, Blimey you had major surgery there then. With any big surgery, sometimes you get a lot of scar tissue and internal scar tissue where the original surgery is done which they have to cut through muscle and minor nerves endings. ,sometimes you can get thickening scar tissue which can stick to other parts and organs and nerve endings can regrow which sometimes long after the surgery, can become painful. this may or may not be your problem as I’m no Dr. but might be worth going to see one. or sometimes you can get crps chronic regional pain syndrome which can occure after surgery,also can be long term, and can be made worse if you are stressed. again I could be wrong, but would advise you to see a GP to see if this is the case, of one of these to things. CRPS can be caused if you where immobile for a while after surgery.
    My Father had bowel surgery (bowel cancer) and had about 18″ of bowel removed and has mentioned to me that he sometimes has trouble eating and sometimes does not feel hungry,also can only eat certain foods now and nothing really spicy as this upsets his stomach. He also noticed and now wears looser trousers as this also irritates him and can cause him pain sometimes,even after 6 years from surgery. I have had a deflated lung after broken ribs and most of the time dont get any problem but sometimes get a sharp pain under ribs mainly after extreme excursion or if I have been slouched over and then straighten up. But not sure if this is the cause or not and generally don’t worry about it. but if it’s worrying you then have a chat with your Gp or get them to refer you to a specialist about these problems your having and see if you can get a proper diagnosis to what is causing you all this pain.Let us know how you get on , Take care and best wishes,Lee

    #46930

    Helen H
    Participant

    Hi Damonke
    You have really been through a lot. A very good friend of mine has found life after having Gallbladder removed has really found a FODMAP diet really helpful. It is something you should only follow on the advice of your specialist, but after a couple of years of eating very little she is eating a variety of foods again, and is back working part time.

    If you have not already done so, you can ask your GP for a referral to your local pain clinic too, which could be helpful.

    As lee says roughly 4 years after he suggested it to me(!) I have taken up Mindfulness! It is not a cure for anything, but definitely contributes to more balance in life and quality of life. Managing mental health is a big building block in coping. Many of us on here also craft or do Art, music or writing to get us through the day.

    Do keep us posted, and keep on keeping on. You are not alone.
    Helen

    #46943

    Damonke
    Participant

    Thank you all for your msg. I did get to pain management clinic but was only given 4 Sessions of this. My wife this week has said maybe we should have split for a bit to help me get better. She always said this. I find this so hard. Have spoken to GP and they have got me another appointment for pain clinic in August. My boss texts me every day to see how I am doing but I just think he is trying to get rid of me as we don’t get on. I am so so tired of all of this. Thank you you all for Listening to me

    #46944

    lc
    Participant

    Hi Damonke, It’s pain clinic you want as pain management just there to help you manage your pain, while pain clinic helps find something to lower and control your pain levels.
    it is very hard on both parties of a relationship and the one that is not in pain constantly, finds it hard to understand and at times gets frustrated with you, while you are suffering and probably get frustrated with it all and with your wife.it does cause a lot of friction, misunderstanding and upset between you both.
    This is why you need to talk to each other openly, honestly and freely about how you and your wife feel , and sadly it tests your relationship strength and also can cause relationships to break down and part your ways. Ask your wife does she want to split because you are the way your are now, and it’s not what she signed up to. and tell her you don’t want to be like this but it’s neither your fault or anybody else’s fault either. on a personal level I would rather be alone and happy than stick with a relationship that is just arguing and making each other unhappy.but if she really does love you and cares for you, by splitting up to help you get better, is not the answer, you need her help to get through, to get better. but if your wife cannot do that then you either both need marriage/partner counselling and if that does not solve the problem. it’s time to call it a day.
    Very tough one to get through, as most of us on this site have been through, and I have been lucky to have my marriage still and we have become a stronger couple than before because of it, but for some sadly theirs have failed but have gone on to have another relationship with someone that cares and takes them for who and what they are. being the way we are in constant pain is very tiring and draining at times especially if there is added conflict between partners.
    At the end of the day, this site is a god send where we can escape and help each other in ways that we all understand, as people that are not in constant pain dont realise how lucky they are. and at times we all take each other for granted, it’s whether you have realised that your doing it is the key. Let us know how you get on , and as Helen says keep us posted your not alone whatever happens you have support from this site. take care and best wishes. Lee

    #46945

    Damonke
    Participant

    Thank you Lee. The wife always says to me this has been going on for years. I try to explain that it hard for me. I just feel like I just don’t know what to do for the best. Me and the wife are still get alot of Grief from my old partner as I have a child from that relationship. I try to keep everyone happy but in the end o end up hurting my wife as she can’t stand my ex. I have had to go to court to try and get more time with my first child and now I have a 18 mouth old with my wife. I just don’t think life would be this hard. The only time I am happy is when not in pain and by myself. I love my wife and kids but just find so hard to make everyone happy.

    #46946

    lc
    Participant

    Hi Damonke, well this is the case when you split from one ,with children, and start a new relation ship, that is hard enough, for someone to take on an others child. and that alone can be difficult and cause what I think are petty arguments , she obviously knew what she was getting into from the start that you had another child with someone else . that child is part of you. and needs to know who their father is. if thats a problem for your wife then it’s her problem to sort out, not yours.
    sounds like your ex cannot let go and move on with her life if she keeps hassling you. if it keeps happening, then get a harassment order out on her. but tell her first what you intend to do before hand, and if it does not stop, do it. but make sure you have access to you child as well.
    your wife may not like your ex and they don’t have to get on but don’t let the child suffer because of it. your wife is with you and you both got married because you love each other and have children together this is your family together now and both of you should not let someone else, your ex, drive a wedge between you both. you have a new family and children and another child. your ex is just the mother of your child.and that’s as far as it goes now. It’s just circumstances and other people that can make your life hard, it’s a case of rationalising situations and take them for what they are, keep what is important to you, and let go of the bags of rubbish. change what you can and just accept what you cannot change ie your pain. Life is and can be quite simple it’s how you process it. keep on top of things and deal with them as they approach, as if they are not dealt with properly they will drag you down into a big black hole. and believe me you don’t want to go there.
    Stop trying to make people happy as you always get one that is not satisfied, what about you? do things that makes you happy and be true to yourself,also be non judgemental with yourself and others, be kind to yourself and others and you will find that there is kindness out there it will also come back to you. either people can except the way you are and love you for it or they cannot, but don’t let it worry you.I hope you get things sorted out and your wife has some understanding of what your going through and kindness to give to you. Take care and best wishes. Lee

    #46952

    Helen H
    Participant

    Very sound advice from Lee. This situation puts a huge strain on any relationship, but it is so important that your loved ones understand that it is not your fault and that you can’t magic the pain away. You didn’t choose this and you can’t change it . Dealing with chronic pain as a couple is an ongoing situation, and you both need to be on the same page- clearly communicating with each other- or there will be resentments.

    There is a very good section on relationships at the top of the site under resources, which has been very helpful for me.

    Take care
    Helen

    #46953

    Damonke
    Participant

    Is anyone on Gabapentin? I have been on this for about 2 years now dose is 2x 300mg twice a day. I started to come off them over a few weeks then things started to get worse. Now gone to 2x 300mg 3 times day. This is want my doctor has put me upto in the last 1 week

    #46959

    lc
    Participant

    Hi Damonke, sorry I do not take this as a lot of nerve drugs I have adverse reactions to or cannot tolerate, the only one i can take is amitryptiline , that’s why I also use a Tens to mask some of the pain during the day. it does make me sleep better and stops my legs jumping around and moaning and groaning in my sleep from pain.
    I know people who can only take gabapentin and swear by it, that’s it’s the best drug out.
    If it’s working for you then stick with it ,if you don’t feel it’s doing the job effective enough for you, then need to go back to GP or pain clinic and tell them and ask to try another type. sometimes it’s a case of getting the right amount for it to work effectively. which is the case for you. someone might answer you that takes Gabapentin and put you in a better picture, like i say what works for one doesn’t mean it works for you. take care and best wishes. Lee

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