Feeling my life is over

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  • #47912
    Aurora
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    Feeling really low.
    As some of you may have read my previous posts I’m unable to access my back injections. I’m stuck in bed in severe pain with really bad spasms. I’m 41 and feel no hope for the future. I’m thinking of going private for my injections. They are very expensive but I am desperate. I have no life just an existence.
    I’m speaking to my pain consultant on the 17th of August for a telephone appt and I’m going to ask him about the injections as he works in the private sector as well as the NHS.
    The only bright spot on the horizon is that my sister and her family are hopefully if it is allowed coming up for a visit to stay with us. I will be unable to do anything with them but feel I need my family near.
    I feel I can’t see the path ahead. I feel I have lost everything my health, my job my wee dog who died last year although I have a lovely little lop,eared rabbit called Hope who I can’t even clean out . My elderly mother is my carer. I’m on the list for more counselling in 2 to 3 months time from a charity called health in mind here is Scotland. It is a trauma counselling line for victims of abuse.
    I feel I have to fight all my life and I am tired of the fight. I have Endometrosis, Lipodema, fibromyalgia,
    Brain damage from a stroke at birth, chronic pelvic pain and severe back back pain and I’m registered blind due to having a condition called a celebral visual impairment. I just want some happiness back.
    My whole life has been a fight and a struggle.
    Sorry for the long post.

    #47913
    Lc
    Participant

    Hi Aurora, Sorry to hear your still struggling with pain and that now, your feeling low, this is how pain gets you at times especially if your alone, but glad to hear you have relatives, that can come and see you, and maybe help out a bit. Are you with a pain clinic? if you can get to be seen under a pain clinic they would/should have all the help you need in one place, with access to therapy,pain management, ect. but until then,if you are struggling with mental health issues and feeling desperate, or suicidal then maybe you can ring the Samaritans helpline 116123,or GP out of hours doctor, or A+E, or there is Lifeline helpline 0808 808 2121 (open 7pm to 11pm). I have been in, and felt how you do, and worse in the past. you are not alone, but with the correct help and therapy, you can start to understand , live, and deal with, and cope better,there is Help out there, just it might take some time to see and get the right help, as there are many others in the same boat. and worse off. Like myself, and many others, I deal with varying levels of pain every day, but over the years and with the right connections and help, live a reasonably happy life despite all the pain, Happiness comes from within yourself, ,although others can help and make a bit of difference. try not to beat yourself up to much, about the way you are, be kinder to yourself in a non judge-mental way, treat yourself and give yourself a big hug because you have come this far in life living with these things where others might have failed, this is what makes you stronger than you think and you might surprise yourself of how strong you really are. Life can be a bit mundane and a struggle but look at all the beautiful things it does have and the wonder it has like the small things flowers of all colours insects what a variety, all the things that make you smile and people that can bring joy into it. live today, and dont think about the future because for me too if I look at myself and my future it can be a bit depressing. dont do it, Tomorrows a different day and hope its a better one , Take care and best wishes, Lee

    #47914
    Aurora
    Participant

    Hi Lee
    Thanks for your lovely reply.
    I’m not suicuidal but have had fleeting thoughts of self harm which I haven’t acted upon and which have gone away. I’m under a pain clinic under a great consultant who I have telephone appt with on the 17th of July who I’m going to be telling how bad I feel and if I can see him privately for my injections.
    I live with my Mum so I’m lucky in that respect. I’ve just finished four sessions of pain counselling and have been told I cope very well despite all my difficulties. I’m on the waiting list for trauma therapy which I’m told will be a couple of months. I just get very down and suffer from depression and anxiety.
    I’m on three different meds for my mental health as well as my oxycondone, Oxynorm, gabapentin etc.
    I just feel very trapped because I feel very trapped. The injections I normally get give me some of my life back and I feel that has been taken away.
    Your right about appreciating the little things in life.
    We are having fish and chips tonite for our tea so that is something to look forward too!
    X

    #47915
    Lc
    Participant

    Hi Aurora, Very Glad to hear your Not suicidal as I have been there in the past, and that you have not self harmed,regardless of you thinking that way. that is just a cry for help . that is a relief to me. the thing you got to remember is Thoughts are not Facts. also that you have the help around you,Via Pain Clinic, We all have days like this at times of increased pain, the key is, having that back up plan to cope with yourself and to get you through it.or until you get the help you need. I can understand, as many of us do on this site, of feelings of entrapment. when times are rough.Hope you get that much help soon to lower your pain levels. Enjoy your fish and chips, I enjoyed that the other night. Take care and best wishes, Lee

    #47919
    Helen H
    Participant

    Hi Aurora,
    I think your feelings of desperation are understandable, and shared by loads of us here. Pain really takes a toll on your mental health, and you are dealing with other conditions as well, which can feel overwhelming. I also live with depression and several other big conditions, and i know that my mental health always takes a nosedive when the pain is flared up.

    There is so much good advice already, but I just wanted to add that you don’t need to see the way ahead- just know that there will be a way.

    You are a strong woman -even if you don’t feel it at the moment- who is doing her best in really difficult circumstances. Keep on with your daily routine, and if you feel yourself spiralling into panic about the future, distract yourself. A pain flare-up is not the time to think clearly and solve the bigger picture.

    I hope the pain consultant is really helpful.
    Take care
    Helen.

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by Helen H.
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