Explaing Pain to Partners

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  • #32101
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Explaining Chornic Pain to our families and friends it sometimes feels impossible,, I have sat through many events where I couldnot attend as I was in to much pain,, people think that because we are mobile we are fine,, its almost like You have to walk around with a Poster saying I am in PAIN”’ It been over 11 years now and I ahve learnt through Jan and her tips how to pace myself and not worry to much about what other people think,, of course My husband at first couldnot understadn but after watching me suffer to no end He has been My Angel and I am truly blessed to have him,,AS far as my family goes well thats another story ,,they donot see what I go through and they refuse to even listen to what I have to say,,ALl they do is say Oh ys she cancelled again Not understanding that I wish I could attend all the family functions but some days I cannot even get out of the bed,,, Its sad but true ,,Thats why I love this websie and hte newsletters each month they Help me and My husband to understand different ways to llive with pain,,, All you can do is your best!!!Never feel Gulity because of your Pain we didnot choose this lifestyle it happened to us and if our ffamliy and friends love us they will make an effort to understadn other wise donot stress over it,,,, It sad but you have to take care of yourself ,,, I wish you all well and Donot worry about what others have to say,, you know how you feel and The pain is real,,, So take care and carry on,,,Be strong
    Susan

    #32102
    Di
    Participant

    I’ve only just found this thread which seems to have been going for a while and it’s reduced me to tears to read my feelings in print. I was bedridden for months but thankfully can now sit in a wheelchair for a while. My son is great about pushing me around and when I’m with him I can smile and face the world. My husband, however, seems to think that I’m just using the chair to make an issue and slow him down. He seems embarrased to have to push me. It should feel wonderful to be able to get out at last after over a year but he makes me feel like a nuisance.
    I’m absolutely dreading my son going to University as I know I will never leave the house. My husband comes in from work, eats a meal and then shuts himself in another room with the TV until he goes to bed several hours before me. If he walks past the door to make a drink he doesn’t speak or even offer to get me one without I have to ask.
    While I was bedridden he did all the housework without complaint and visited me in hospital but now that I can potter about the house, he never once asks how I am or whether I need help and I hate to have to ask or feel beholden to anyone. I feels more like begging.
    I’ve tried talking to him but like someone said, if he can’t fix it he doesn’t want to know.
    He will do anything I do ask (aften with a long face) but what I really want is some understanding and company. I feel so isolated and there’s no way I would ask my son to stay home to keep me company.
    I feel as if my husband thinks I have the wheelchair just as an excuse not to do things.
    We live in the country without neighbours and I can neither walk to the end of our lane nor push the chair as the lane is so potholed and uphill so I never see anyone else unless I beg him to take me. No one comes to visit as his attitude has made friends feel too awkward to come.
    Sorry to rant but the thread really hit a nerve.

    #32103
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi To All, Is’nt it sad that we can post on Jans site about how we feel yet we can’t talk to our families and get them to understand, I sometimes think the people who are close to us don’t want to see how we feel it’s easier for them to think that everything is ok I know my children, they are in their 20’s think that if I am up on my feet then I am ok and can get on with things especially the lads, even my Mum only skims the surface and asks how I am of course I tend to say I’m fine as I don’t like to think I am troubling anyone. There are a lot of us out here with chronic pain and illness and we all need to talk about it at times. I am glad there are sites like Jans where we can all come together and offer support for each other because just by writing out feelings down in an e-mail makes the load a little lighter at times. It also helps to know that we are not alone.
    Have a nice weekend.
    liz

    #32104
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Ruth
    Im sorry Ive not been able to read everyones messages on this link so I apologise if repeat something already said. I found this info on the mayo clinic site very helpful re talking to others about my pain.
    http://www.mayoclinic.com/invoke.cfm?objectid=6227D5C4-C303-4287-965EBB929F1A525B.
    Sorry its so long but you could cut and paste it into the address bar of your internet programme. Its the mayo clinic solidifying social support section in the back pain section.
    Best wishes,
    Sarah

    #32105
    Jan Sadler
    Keymaster

    See the topic:

    “For those in pain to pass on to family and friends”

    It’s most helpful.

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